The night the Hacienda opened.
Everyone wanted to play.'
..Bowie, Queen, the Stones.
l chose A Certain Ratio And that was the point lt was a place for people we knew, l can't believe this. What a fucking joke!
Oh, l dunno, Rob. Has there ever been - No, there hasn't, thank fucking God. Jazz is the last refuge Jazz musicians enjoy themselves lt's like theatre.
lt's what you do lt's one down from Celebrity Squares.
Excellent, well done. - So where... So where is everyone? - Erm... You were at the Sex Pistols gig. - There was about 40. Yeah, Exactly, exactly.
The smaller the attendance, There were 1 2 people ..half a dozen at Kitty Hawk.
Archimedes was on his own in the bath.
(trumpets)
(# Tchaikovsky: Pick on someone your own size/ We're here at Chester Zoo...
..to see a bath-time version (trumpets)
lt's, er, a bit of a mammoth task...
..for, erm,... - Yeah. ls this, er... Now, this isn't No, l'm an entertainer.
Right, OK. And, er,... l saw Watch yourself there.
There's a... There's a baby elephant. (chuckles) There's people like that Er,... except that... This morning, l was doing a feature on He was... He was a dwarf.
- lt doesn't matter. lt's... l... Look, l'm a serious ..get me a proper gig Tony, listen.
# Shy, shy - What d'you reckon? l'll make you a big star.
- Catch you later! You know your problem? Yeah. Yes, l do. All right, what about a feature Fuck off!
(# Blue Monday)
# How does it feel # When you've laid your hands upon me
# Told me who you are
# l thought l was mistaken
No band ever survives So when Joy Division
because they were my band.
ofthe Hacienda.
people we could trust.
They have totally betrayed us here.
You know,... it might work.
a Wythenshawe jazz band?
- No, let me tell you, right.
of the untalented.
far more than anyone listening to 'em.
when you can't get a gig.
Very good, very good.
- There you go.
- We had 100 on the guest list.
How many people were in the audience?
- Right. And it was history.
but there's only 30 here tonight.
the bigger the history.
at the Last Supper,...
Dance Of The Sugarplum Fairy)
Or maybe not.
of David and Goliath.
a young chap like yourself.
- ls, erm...
your normal job, is it?
there's a little baby elephant.
Hello. How do you do?
l work with at Granada.
he's a little bit more attractive.
an elephant being washed by a midget.
- Well, it matters to him.
journalist, l've got a degree,...
or let's forget we ever met.
Hush, hush, eye to eye #
- Very good, very good.
- Right. (softly) Don't call me...
You take yourself too seriously.
l take myself veryfucking seriously.
on Northwest's tallest man?
To treat me like you do?
the death oftheir lead singer.